Friday, June 18, 2010

Can a dream be a disease?

(Image via Design to Inspire)

OK I'm going to admit a deep, dark secret. And maybe you'll think it's silly. And maybe you'll totally agree. But whatever, it's my secret dream so I really don't care.

Sometimes -- and it's always in the summer -- I get this insatiable longing to run. Escape. Travel. But not in a nomadic fashion. I want to run away from everything I've established and just settle down in the country or back woods somewhere and tend a garden and have a herd of random animals and write. Crazy, right? Especially because this is coming from the girl who loves her job and loves the city. I get nervous in suburbia. The houses are so far away. The people all have minivans and multiple children. And it's quiet. I know, that's a huge generalization. Don't kill me. My parents live in suburbia and although they are all of those things (minus the van), they are also so much more. So I know it's not true.

But that's my dream. To run away from my cute apartment and my amazing shop and all of my lovely friends and family and just be this odd hermit in the woods. And this feeling always comes when the weather is warm. Do you think it's sun poisoning? I don't know what to do to bandage up these feelings.

Oh, you say, it's just a dream. I know. I'm a gemini. I have that bipolar personality disorder that comes with that sign. But still. It's a constant nagging. A day dream that won't fade away.

Can a dream be a disease? Something that kills you slowly. A longing so intense it takes a little something away from you. Can I call out of work because of it? "Hello, I'm sorry. I can't come in to work today. I've caught a nasty dream."

I'm not sure. But tell me this: do you dream? Do you fantasize about something so attainable that it's silly, but -- at the same time -- irrational? Maybe it's just our nature as humans to want what we don't have. Or maybe it's just me.

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